My Cochlear Implant Journey (Part 4): Regrets? Thankfully No.

See entire journey here - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Thank you for reading along on this series as I shared my first twelve months of having a cochlear implant. Here in my final post I’ll wrap it up with my closing thoughts and reflections about where I’m at at this point of my journey. Thank you for joining me!

Regret? Thankfully no.

After reading some of my past posts about how strange it is to hear the world through a cochlear implant, you may be wondering if I ever regret my decision to trade in what little hearing I had for a “bionic ear”. At this point I’m so grateful to say the answer is absolutely not. This technology, imperfect as it is, has given me back the part of my life that I value most; connection with my family, friends, community.

Recently, my sister pointed out that at a large family gathering she noticed me spending the weekend pulling people aside for long one-on-one talks and could see that I was enjoying my time immensely. She was right. Throughout the weekend I made a practice of slipping out of the big group gab sessions and instead had heartfelt individual connections with members of my family out in a beautiful quiet space under the aspen trees where two chairs had been set up by my brother for “sessions with Julie”. There were many other ways my family accommodated my needs during this rich and wonderful gathering. I will tell you that the little things loved ones do to make communication work for someone with hearing loss truly do matter. I left that gathering feeling seen and loved, deeply connected and eternally grateful.

I find that if I want the level of connection I value I have to be intentional now. As much as possible I choose environments that work for me. My friendships are deeper because I show up in my vulnerability and listen more fully. My friends and family meet me there, willing to do what it takes to stay connected. A close friend shared with me that she feels closer to me, not despite my loss of hearing and the challenges it brought to our communication, but because of it.

One year in, I’ve learned that a cochlear implant doesn’t erase the complexities of deafness/hearing loss but it does have the ability to transform them to a large extent. I still face many moments of disconnection and frustration, but I also experience connection in ways I deeply value: more intimate one-on-one conversations, deepening of my friendships, new friendships with my deaf/hard of hearing/ASL community, an opportunity to learn a new language and be a part of a less dominant culture, a belief in my own resiliency and the courage to show up as I am. The implant gave me back sound, along with the gift of discovering how to keep building bridges—sometimes with technology, sometimes with speaking up for what I need, sometimes with sign language, sometimes with song; and always with a sense of vulnerability and heart.