My Cochlear Implant Journey (Part 1): Gratitude, Grief, and Growth

Read Julie Hayes Bio here

When I woke up from cochlear implant surgery nine months ago, I was full of hope. I’d spent four years losing my hearing to bilateral Ménière’s disease, navigating the grief, the technology, the sign language classes, and the moments of crushing isolation. The implant was my lifeline back to connection with my hearing family and friends. What I didn’t expect was that even “success” would come with its own challenges—and its own lessons about vulnerability, advocacy, and the messy beauty of human connection.

I recently started therapy to address some lingering sadness and a day-to-day sense of discontent. This may sound surprising, especially since I had a successful cochlear implant surgery about nine months ago. Don’t get me wrong: I am deeply grateful for the outcome of my surgery and my relatively quick adaptation to this new way of “hearing” but I am also coming more to terms with my disappointment that my struggles related to hearing loss have not magically disappeared with my cochlear implant. The four years leading up to the day of my surgery were grueling. My hearing steadily declined, and by the end of that time I felt backed into a corner, with a cochlear implant as my only real option if I wanted to continue connecting with my hearing family and friends in a sustainable way.

During those years of hearing decline I got three semesters of ASL under my belt (which I loved learning), and I was using every tool I could—captioning apps, hearing aid, assistive listening devices—but the decline to profound hearing loss made feeling connected with the hearing world feel more and more remote. The sense of loss was profound, and I worked through the stages of grief as I walked my personal path into deafness. I knew, because of my years of research into my condition (bilateral Meniere’s Disease) and many medical consultations that this day might come and as much as I resisted the idea of getting a cochlear implant, I knew it was likely the only way to stay connected to the only world I really knew.

When those devastating days came, those moments when I realized I could no longer have meaningful conversations with my own family, despite all my efforts, I had enough information to set the wheels in motion. I had already chosen my surgeon and the decision to go through with the surgery was easier than I expected. Now looking back, I have no regrets. I am a success story as cochlear implants go but I’m also still coming to terms with the total deafness that resulted from the surgery, and the reality that this technology, while remarkable, is imperfect.

This journey has continued to teach me that healing isn’t just about regaining what was lost—it’s about learning to live fully with what is. My cochlear implant has given me back my ability to connect with the hearing world, but it’s also challenged me in ways I didn’t necessarily expect. In Part 2 to be released later , I’ll share more about the everyday realities, the surprises, frustrations and the joys that continue to shape this new chapter of my life.